a small piece of me

2011-06-20T16:16:00.001-07:00

hi you.

yeah you.

karma is gonna bite you in the end one day.

and on that day

your gonna be standing alone.

2011-04-28T03:02:00.000-07:00

hahahahha.

YOUR SUCH A JOKE.

no wonder, nobody wants you.

2011-04-27T09:52:00.001-07:00

iwishicouldhugsomeonerightnow.

happy ending.

2011-04-25T04:20:00.000-07:00

i find it extremely pointless for movies or dramas with sad endings. or bad endings.

because really.

life is a nuisance, it never makes sense and some people or most people feel down most of the time.

movies and drama are simply a simple escape for a quick relief, a make believe that sometimes,

happy endings do come true.

architecture AHAHA

2011-04-20T23:19:00.000-07:00

for the last two days i have been getting only 6hours of sleep out of 48hours...

basically it means i have ALMOST been awake for NEARLY 24 hours. and i have been in uni since yesterday 5pm until now...which is nearly 2.20PM so yeah...NEARLY 24 hours. by the time i leave and by the time i get home and wash up and FINALLY get into bed, it'll be around 24 hours already hahaha.

ACTUALLY 2days ago ....i was awake from 5am until .....yesterday i'd say around 8AM :) which is. WAY. WAY more than 24 hours.

yesterday i got home at like 7AM ish and by the time i fell asleep was 8AM then i woke up at....3.30PM? :)

story of my life.

okay im just waiting for my studio to begin so i can actually hand in my work and GO HOME AND THEN SLEEP. omggg. its going to start at 3PM ...so in about another half an hour and i'll be heading downstairs to class.

okay yes,

i needed to rant even though currently my body feels like a zombie, i think i smell funny and my eyes are getting so freaking dry and sore and irritated from my contact lenses. FUCK IM ABUSING MY BODY.

ARCHITECTURE = BODY ABUSE.

kids. read this before you are prepared to go into this course.

i seriously think im getting so high from getting so little sleep. omg i miss my bed.

work!!!

2011-04-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

wow.

im like really exhausted from uni.

im at this point of converting myself into a workaholic. i swear haha

so unlike me.

i'd rather it this way though...

work work work work work.

thats how i'll pass uni LOL.

okay im lazy to type....anymore.

okay byeee! just to drop a quick post.... :)

a sigh.

2011-04-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

university have been a bitch lately.

architecture is truly nonsense.

its too subjective.

something could be right, OH SO RIGHT because there is a "strong point" behind it.

and even if it looks good but NO REASON behind it, its a shit design.

so basically make some bullshit up BECAUSE thats what everybody does.

argh. i am struggling but somehow, i will HAVE TO make it.

cause only asians have small eyes.

2011-04-03T06:29:00.000-07:00

since we're on the racial ISSUE???

WHY IS IT ONLY ASIANS have "small slanted eyes"

OH YEH??????

because taylors swift's eyes are SO ROUND AND ALMOND SHAPED LIKE.

because renee's eyes are so NOT slanted and small????

whys it only asians who get the shit huh.

note: i personally love taylor swift and renee zellweger okay? they are just the first famous people that popped in my head.

just saying....

alexandra wallace

2011-04-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

okay so i watched this youtube video of this girl called alexandra wallace a few days back, apparently it went viral like a couple ish weeks ago and its because she is a -

BLONDE, BIG BOOBED, BIMBO, IDIOTIC BITCH. oh, and the most important part ...

SHES A FUCKING RACIST NAZI.

she said WE (asians) should have what she calls it the "AMERICAN MANNERISM"

yes, because americans apparently are the most polite people in the world, which i don't completely agree on.

let me see, so far, from the countries i have visited, the people i know, JAPANESEs have the most polite and well MANNERED culture.

they bow and they smile and the are soft spoken and guess what? JAPANESE ARE ASIANS.

people like lets say, ALEXANDRA WALLACE is a SHAME to america. and yes, because she have such "AMERICAN MANNERISM"

okay im so pissed right now.

apparently asians who studies overseas, who are accepted into white people universities (SUCH AS UCLA)

always have their mothers, fathers, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunties, uncle, brothers, sisters, AROUND AT THEIR PLACE and makes SO MUCH NOISE and APPARENTLY....our language is "ching chong ling long ting tong" and that annoys the shit out of the americans. (or maybe just alexandra wallace.

and maybe shes just jealous our families love us more because they "COOK, CLEAN, WASH" and basically does EVERYTHING for us. well you know what?

YOU THINK YOURE SO INDEPENDENT CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW TO COOK, CLEAN, WASH???

uhm, seriously how often does "MOST" white people clean their house? HOW OFTEN DO THEY SHOWER DURING WINTER (aha, scarily enough apparently if its too cold, I HEARD, they shower once a week)

now isnt that disgusting? and in ASIAN CULTURE, we shower everyday, okay? because our "ASIAN PARENTS WITH ASIAN MANNERISM" taught us that way.

and you guys cook yeh? what? OVEN FOOD? MICROWAVE FOOD?

yes bitch WE HAVE INDOMEE.

and of course our asian parents cook us ASIAN food that is healthy and lasts us for days.

okay, im so over this.

i was so angry.

haha i can imagine imee and jacq getting pissed over this as well.

if you guys havent watched the video? search alexandra wallce "asians in library"

CAUSE APPARENTLY ONLY ASIANS TEXT AND PICK UP PHONE CALLS IN LIBRARY AND WE TALK SO LOUDLY IN OUR "ching chong ling long ting tong" LANGUAGE.

well alexandra wallace. i hope you have fun whoring out.

proof of a good future housewife

2011-04-02T07:32:00.000-07:00

hi all :)

boootiful cupcakesss :)

in the making of mixed berry cuppies!

they are purplish/blueish and really purrrtyyyy :)

****

SUSHI MAKING

i was bored one night so i walked to iga and bought some sushi ingredients! :)

yummm :)

:) im so freaking talented i know HAHA jks.

okay thats all.

feeling bloated looking at all these food! xx

keep smiling

2011-04-01T07:10:00.000-07:00

hi all.

im sick of people who thinks too greatly of themselves.

im sick of people telling me what I should be doing.

im sick, sick,sick,sick,sick,sick,sick,sick of you.

no, i dont mean my awesome boyfriend.

the only thing that keeps me going at times like tonight. when i feel like shit.

teehee

2011-03-28T01:44:00.000-07:00

excited. OMGGGGG im spoiling myself too much :(((

happy birthday dudyyy :)

2011-03-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

happy birthday my dear doooodyyy :) hehehe

youre such a cutieeee :)

hope you had an awesome birthday!

feeling bloooooooo.

2011-03-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

first,

toothache (bloody wisdom tooth)

then,

got a cold,

then assignment was due.

OMG JUST MY LUCK.

my nose is soooooo sore till now.

FML.

HIIII

2011-03-22T19:20:00.001-07:00

hi all.

my wisdom teeth are killing me,

going to the dentists with the mother and boyfriend tomorrow to get it checked out!

but yeh, if anything, i will probably do the surgery tomorrow,

will be surviving on painkillers for the next week probably.

studio mates were saying how i'd look like a hamster for days or even weeks.

which freaked the shittttt out of me.

okay, until then, i'll update.

IMEE I REGRET NOT DOING IT IN MALAYSIA. FML.

im back

2011-03-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

wow i haven't blogged for ages haven't i?

been really busy with schoolwork, the boyfriend, the mixed french chica friend i made at uni (we have the same units and practically are together 24/7)

just realised she and i have heaps in common, can't wait for next week friday, shopping date with tiff! cause we have assignment due on thursday :S

so the next week i'll have to be working ALOT.

speaking so....i am going to uni tomorrow at 1 or so, so i can work on some more stuff at uni before class starts at 3pm!

i know, im such a hardworking person. NOT.

well i am certainly trying to make the best out of everything.

make the time for people who are simply awesome :)

*will update when im free-er x

life's treating me well.

learnt again that mayan predicted end of world would be on 23rd of december 2012. how ironic.

we shall see. i'm just gonna have to believe that on the other side, i'll be with my loved ones :)

love.

2011-03-04T05:20:00.000-08:00

IM DETERMINED.

aim high, you can't get low.

one year anniversary in just a few days :) told the boy i wanted cheese fondue hehe...

IM SO GREEDY I KNOW!

no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.

2011-02-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

EXCITED ABOUT UNI TODAY?????

no.

i need a friend.

2011-02-10T05:39:00.000-08:00

i need a friend,

i need a friend, someone who looks out for me,

someone who cares for me,

someone who doesn't backstab me or talks shit behind my back,

someone who i can trust my life on,

someone who i can spill my secrets to,

someone who will lend me her shoulder to cry on,

someone who doesn't lie to me,

someone who doesn't take advantages of me,

someone who wouldn't use me,

someone who is sincere,

someone who knows of no malice or lies,

someone who cheers me up,

someone who i can call up anytime,

someone who doesn't judge me,

someone who supports me,

someone who believes in me.

i suppose such perfect friend does not exist.

but i still love the ones who i grew up with and the ones i used to see every single day :)

you guys are close to perfection!

mad.

2011-02-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

no i dont wanna go bed mad at you.

but we're never mad.

lifeless.

2011-02-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

i feel like i am completely wasting my time away during my holidays,

i mean not really,

considering i get to be with my baby almost 24/7 a day.

the father doesn't even mind him sleeping over anymore - he offered him so many times already.

in the brother's room of course ahhaha.

yes okay, thats all.

the boy is working next to me while i am watching old hongkong stephen chow's comedy.

if only life could be this easy all the time.

you know he loves you when:

2011-02-02T21:31:00.000-08:00

# all he ever wants is to be with you as much as possible

# says that he loves you every single day, randomly, unexpected

# looks at you as if you're the most wonderful thing in the world

# drives almost, about 100km a day just to see you again and again

# gives you silly surprises even when he is dead tired

# always keeps to his promises

# calls you the first thing when he wakes up and the last before he sleeps

# lets you decide his next haircut

# is so extremely burst with happiness when talking about your future together

# tell you everything about himself

# makes you feel so safe in his arms and he wouldn't let go until you're almost suffocated

# when in trouble, he'd be there for you so fast

# always finishes your cooking no matter how shit it might taste and yet, demands for more

# holds your hand automatically whenever you guys are walking, sitting or just even talking

oh joy :) im so contented with my relationship its scary.

i may fail in life, school, EVERYTHING.

but i have succeeded in finding my prince charming :)

gong xi fatt chai!

2011-02-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

hello everyone!

reunion dinner happens once a year,

so, here it goes!!

hope everyone had a lovely time with the family :)

the fam :)

me and the boy.

don't we look like a pair of angpows??

"lohhh sanggg!"

dong dong dong qianggg!

pimpes.

2011-01-27T13:57:00.001-08:00

my sleepy time is all so fuckeddd ARGHHH. my face is so fuckeddd.

BLOODY FLIPPING HORMONES.

arghhhhh.

sigh.

2011-01-26T12:29:00.001-08:00

is it just me or are all girls the same?

insecurity visits our soul ever so often and cause us to suspect things that are near impossible.

curiosity and doubts come hand in hand.

i know i'll never ever find a man like this ever again but yet,

it hurts sometimes just sometimes when i get this weird feeling in my tummy that he might have changed.

it doesn't look like i worry much but i do.

because he's the one i've been looking for.

my knight in shining armour.

my frog! (REMEMBER JACQQQ ahhaha)

k :) heheee.

peace.

face sucks

2011-01-23T12:15:00.000-08:00

i need to fix my skin.

ITS DISGUSTING. pimples growing and black head manifesting itself right underneath those huge pores.

IM GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

chica boom pow.

2011-01-18T12:13:00.001-08:00

hi all. its 4 am and i am slightly high.

i present to you, my chicken face :)

bye.

oops

2011-01-16T12:39:00.001-08:00

true wealth does not boast :)

remember that.

skeez.

best bf ever!

2011-01-15T10:25:00.000-08:00

So right, we were just talking usually and I was having one of my crazy episodes and I said...

ME: baby! you know what i am gonna read the entire Harry Potter set! Cause I never read it and everyone has been hyping all about it!

later that day, we searched the mall near his aunt's place, we found it but the covers were like a christmas edition and it wasn't too...nice :S

so.... we didnt end up buying but its okay cause I bought Vampire Academy since I am in my hols bored till death so I might as well read some crap.

So then the NEXT DAY....

guess what happened??

he found a seller on gumtree selling her FULL SET OF Harry Potter from 1-7! so he bought it and he surprised me!!

Is he THE BEST or what :)

***

what is better than a cup of chilled sweet Green Forest Bubbletea on a HOT HOT summer's day?

NOTHING BEATS THIS. (except maybe those korean watermelonny icecream!)

k all.

Job Search Fail

2011-01-14T02:23:00.000-08:00

Hi all.

Went to get job at a friend's workplace cause they said they were hiring,

but to no avail :(

kinda upset cause I thought I might actually get it!

BUMMER.

if life...

2011-01-13T08:06:00.002-08:00

If life made sense,

if life were symmetrical.

we'd all look like this.

:)

2011-01-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

i believe that the paths i choose to take is going to define who i am.

i believe that people fail, so they can learn.

i believe that the people you surround yourself with, will eventually become of you.

i believe that sometimes change is good.

2011-01-10T04:04:00.000-08:00

i hate the feeling of waiting.

IT SUCKS.

plastic? PLASTIC? oh. you mean like...permanent make up?

2011-01-10T02:55:00.000-08:00

so what is so wrong with sticking a plastic in your nose?

whats wrong with filling collagen in your lips?

whats wrong with tattooing your fucking tightline?

whats wrong with snipping here and there to look younger??

if it meant that someone would feel good about themselves?

don't know about your world,

but in MY world.

its pretty fucking common.

welcome to civilization okay?

so if you have a problem with that, im really sorry, you should just stay at home,

its probably the only place where you wouldnt be seeing anyone plastic.

***

not that im getting any done (anytime soon)

hahaha im sure botox...will eventually be needed when im like 50 HAHAHA.

maybe i should get liposuction....

hehhh im just kiddin.

jokes beb jokes.

job please!

2011-01-10T00:18:00.001-08:00

DESPERATELY IN NEED OF A JOB.

so many things to buy.

such a "long holiday" ahhaha. SHIT I DONT WANT UNI TO STARTTT :"(

k, love you long timeeee.

belated merry christmas & happy new year!

2011-01-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

sorry been MIA friends :)

but yeah,

since i have met like ALL OF YOU already in malaysia ..... so :)

once i got backk, of course my awesome boyfriend surprised me in the airport :)

and been such a sweetie pie to me, even deprived his sleep for me!

summer + baskin robbins + fremantle = LOVE

went on a date in fremantle just 2 days before the poor bebe starts school!!

after that, i'll have to be his slave! cooking and cleaning while he gets busy in uni!

cute choobyyy chubsss :)

***

FROM ME AND HIM!

merry christmas!!! heheeee

and a super belated happy new year.

love you all!

peek a booooo!

2010-12-30T00:17:00.000-08:00

what a gross photo oh well.

lost.

2010-12-29T11:30:00.001-08:00

sometimes it's not WHICH direction you're going for,

it's what drives you to go to THAT direction.

quote.

2010-12-29T10:22:00.000-08:00

there are things we dont want to happen but have to accept,

things we dont want to know but have to learn,

people we can't live without, but have to let go.

Criminal Minds - Jennifer Jaraeu Ep 2 Season 6.

oh hi.

2010-12-28T15:02:00.000-08:00

all is well.

sorry friends if i have FFKed you or been on MIA mode the past few days.

sorry josh koko that i've been such a shit sister. you know i love you really :)

thats all.

KL is pretty awesome.

love.love.

2010-12-27T10:54:00.000-08:00

having him far away isn't actually as excruciating as i thought it would be.
i've always wondered why,
until it just suddenly hit me.

it wasn't that i've loved him any less.

it was because i have faith that no matter what happens we'll still be together :)
we trust, love and is honest with each other.

that's what a real relationship is about isn't it?

superficial?

2010-12-27T05:58:00.000-08:00

i've always hated those girls who seem to have everything,
looks, wealth, the boys, the popularity, the friends.

maybe it's because i am jealous, but maybe its because god is fair,
everyone can't have everything.
those friends just want some of your popularity,
those boys just want to get into your pants,
the wealth is going to cause your ego,
and your looks? its going to fade one day.

SO YES, basically i am just jealous.

i know girls who have are now models, who are dating boys who owns a private jets, who uses 10thousand dollars bags, who drives a mercedes and goes to the poshes of places.
some who have accomplished much in life.

but we can't measure our contentment in superficial forms.

i like the way everything is flowing now. i like how my friends love me for the way i am, a little chubby on the sides, a little hideous on the face, flaws up and down, i like how i snore when i laugh and how my friends doesn't go all awkward silent when i let out a little oof.

i love how my boyfriend loves me and sacrifices for me. i love how my parents are finally learning how to slowly let go, i love how everything seems so peaceful and still in such a horrid city.

round.

2010-12-26T12:27:00.000-08:00

home is amazing.

thoughts run around my mind of the most ridiculous reasons.

i really need to set my life straight.

fuck this rubbish.

2010-12-13T13:05:00.000-08:00

I AM SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT.

is there a way where i can work and work and work and work and afford uni by myself?
i'll be happier that way.

because then i wouldn't need to be a slave and be treated like this FOR HAVING BREAK DOWNS TOO.

faith

2010-12-11T10:22:00.000-08:00

when all else fails,

have faith.

2010-12-09T21:25:00.001-08:00

do you know why i hate you?
because you make it feel like THAT all over again.

FUCK YOU.

being back is LOVEE

2010-12-09T09:03:00.000-08:00

went out with imes today to pavilion and had ding tai feng!

after hungry minutes of searching for it, we found it on the top floor! we had SO MUCH.

SO MUCH. its not funny. 2 girls and the bill was 150RM hahaha.

can you imagine how much we ordered???

jacq are you hungry yet:P

wait until the food pics!

camwhoring away.

DESERT TIME with imeee. chocolate banana cake inside of parksons.

SINFULLY awesome.

orgasmic!

imeeeeesss awwww :)

the lighting was so yelloowww :(

WE FINISHED EVERYTHING.

some cold dish, appetizer which was SO GOOD and tasteful.

me and imee, taken a few days ago when we were at her place.

awwwwww, imees smilesss.

me, and my extremely explosive face :"(

imee's ADORABLE COUSIN!

okay, the end :)

love all.

HOME.

2010-12-07T06:20:00.002-08:00

hey everyone. I AM OFFICIALLY HOME.

theres no place like...??

HOME :)

met up with imeee today and we had brunch at rakuzen :) then we headed to bangsar for FROYO.

after that we just went to her house where we played with her cute ass cousin seth!! photos up soon :)

tomorrow is going to be another long day at the immigration office place and we're going to get my passport ONE way or ANOTHER.

;) heh, you malaysians know what i am talking about eh?

but yes.

then thursday will arrive and im going to pav with imee and chakritttttt ! shall see whats gonna happen next.

and yes,

I AM EXTREMELY jealous of those going to zoukout :(

okay bye thats all.

homeland

2010-12-05T03:13:00.000-08:00

be at homeland V.SOON :)

KL here i come!

awesome food here i come!!

my friends here i come!!

third floor J.W.Marriot here i come!

lafitte here i come!!!

shangri la here i come!!

mamak here i come!!

IMEESS HOUSE HERE I COME!!

and.....

SHOPPING HERE I COME!!

okay i shall stop being lame.

excited to be home!

caversham wildlife park

2010-12-04T05:58:00.000-08:00

spending quality time at wildlife parks :)

me and mummy :)

the cutties and aunt!

everyone else other than me!

me and mama

grandma and the grand children!!! :)

quality time with family is pretty awesome once in a while :)

trick.

2010-12-02T08:49:00.001-08:00

i've learnt a new trick,

when facing people who are too oblivious in their own little bubble and talks shit,

just pretend you can't hear them.

turn back time.

2010-12-01T00:53:00.000-08:00

i was wondering why i teared when i was looking back into old memories,

and i realised that i cried,

because those are the times that i can never go back to.

stressed.

2010-11-30T12:23:00.000-08:00

yes, uni is over, but as you can obviously tell from this depressing picture.

there ARE STILL many things i am stressed about.

and yes, there is no make up on it at all.

just thought i might as well just post up a photo on my blog which is too filled with words.

even though its an ugly photo, i dont care.

spendthrift.

2010-11-30T05:34:00.000-08:00

my example of being a spoilt and useless person??

phone bill in november 2010 : 900AUD.

fml.

i read it.

2010-11-29T22:24:00.000-08:00

i read one of my best friend's blog today. and yes, even after all those years and many of those silent moments, i still call you my best friends. you say i hold on to those memories we have had the past 3-4 years, but honestly, can you really say those are not the times that you miss? we've both been those 2 girls, who had fights and laughed and got sky high together, and sometimes, went back to hell. those phone calls that lasted hours and pissed our parents off so much, those sleepovers that i knew you didn't like but i loved.

if you are going to hold it against me that those are the memories that you wished never had existed, then i am really sorry you felt that way. because there is nothing left i can do now.

do you not understand that alot is going on with my life here? and yes, you and the rest make TONS of effort compared to me, and i really do appreciate it. but what happens when shit happen to me when i am here by myself without anyone of you? sometimes, just one phone call to you to shout out everything is shit, just simply isn't enough. so yes, sometimes i call my friends here, you and i have both moved on to new friends and new things. no?

what i have always thought about my best friends was that i knew no matter what happened, just a BIG reassurance for me in the back of my mind to know that, NO MATTER what happened, i'll still have you guys. not because you guys are my back up, but because you guys are just friends for a lifetime. and no matter what mistakes we've had done or shit we get in to, i honestly really believed that we would last as best friends. maybe we don't talk as much, and phone calls don't last as long as it used to be.

i do admit that i am the shitiest as friends, but now and then, i do make efforts.

and i do really feel very regretful for there are so many times when you were there for me and i wasnt, simply because i was too oblivious in my own little bubble and i didn't think anyone else was in it with me. so hypocritical of me saying it because i said i know you guys will be there, yet i live in this space where no one else existed except for me and my obnoxious feelings.

you can hold a grudge no doubt.

remember that last year we were still bestest of friends? i was a complete utter bitch to you, sometimes i did wonder why you even stayed by me when i was so cruel. the things i said and the things i did. you were really so kind and adorable. and thats what i loved about you, because no matter how much i was mean to you, i really do love you.

when you left high school and went half the globe so far away from me, i really thought we would remain best friends, best friends who see each other once or twice a year. but you had changed and everyone saw it. you were no longer that chirpy bubbly girl we all knew, you were no longer smiling and shrugging off insults and giving hugs to everyone you considered friends. but that was okay, i cried and many times when i thought back to the person you have become, i teared, because i thought that maybe if i was a better friend and was there for you more, you would still be this bubbly girl that i loved so much.

but it was alright? do you know why....because no matter how much you have changed, i mean, people do change right? i still love you. because i know theres still a part of you inside you that is the very same girl i met when we were just young teenagers.

and yes, you can be as mean as you want to me now, hold the grudge and hold everything that i had done against me, because i really can't think of a single excuse anymore to not let you hate me. just hate me like how we used to hate each other before we started hanging out, and then i just hope, just simply hope that maybe one day, you will forgive me and we can talk and start acting like loving best friends.

there's just a part in me that believes that will happen, because we've been through a lot, and not many people can experience what we had.

lastly, no matter what you think of me, i hope you remember that, i used to be that girl who was your best friend, and honestly, i do not know how much i have changed, but i really really really do want to be that girl again for you.

you should really know, i'll still love you even if you were the biggest bitch in the world.

world war 2.

2010-11-29T10:35:00.001-08:00

i was just talking with my family and it has been a LONGGG time since we've sat around a table and talked about "things". my grandparents are around 70plus near 80? and they were just kids when world war 2 happened. so they knew a few things about it of course, they went through the era of what i now call the "asian holocaust", or maybe i read that off the net somewhere.

i became fascinated with that part of history which i can't believe i did not know about. well of course i knew about world war 2 and the japanese were cruel and were killing innocent china people. i did not know that they were terrorising people in the southeast asia too! i kind of thought that the reason why my ancestors moved to malaysia was because they wanted to avoid the war?

yes okay, anyway i know i am a noob at history, whatever.

how this all started?

we were all watching this hong kong drama series and it was about the world war 2 and how many people became 'traitors" of their country (China).

then my mum told me that my great grand dad (maternal side) was said to be a "traitor" too back in the days, all because my great grand dad sold fruits to the japanese too.... (my great grand dad sold fruits as a living) so, yes people called my great grand dad a traitor. what kinda triggered me was that, if he did not sold the fruits to them, i probably wouldn't have existed.

LIKE HELLO? did the cruel "villagers" really wanted my great grand pa to be killed by those ignorant japanese soldiers because HE DID NOT SELL THEM FRUITS??

but anyway, thats besides the point that i was going to make.

CAN YOU BELIEVE that JAPANESE now actually denies that they were evil son of a bitches during world war 2??? they actually freaking DENIES IT.

oh and i heard from my mum that they don't even want to acknowledge it, like people in japan, especially in THIS generation knows nothing about what their great ancestors did to us chinese people.

AND GUESS WHAT?? the United Nations have been trying to make them ADMIT the cruelty of the japanese back then and the misery they caused MANY who are scarred.

like okay, you know what? the WW2 happened, whatever, leave the past in the past. BUT SERIOUSLY? fucking own up to the shit you had done.

the few things my mum mentioned to me that the japanese did to chinese people,

OTHER than killing whenever they felt like it, - like if they were in a PMS mode, then they'll just go around chopping chinese peoples heads. or go around shooting.

THEY CONDUCT TORTUROUS METHODS TO KILL.

-to make their death as painful and as long as possible. like wtf? WHAT KIND OF SICK FUCK WOULD DO SUCH A THING.

1. they would "kidnap" pregnant women and with their blade/guns, they would slice their stomach open, ALIVE, and without any ANTISEPTICS or PAINKILLERS. and they would throw the stillborns in the air AND FREAKING STABS THE BABY while it was in the air with the blade. ~ actually, its not even called kidnapping because they just do this on the streets (anywhere) and ANYONE can see it. this is because MY GRAND DAD HAD WITNESSED THIS. so i am pretty damn sure. for fucks, my grand dad was only 10years old, or less.

2. they kidnap woman, young or old, whatever the age and brings the woman to their "camps" and rapes them night and day, 24/7. those who are optimistic enough to live after such an ordeal, they should be around 80plus now. but many have killed themselves.

3. they do the water torture, burning torture, ALL KINDS OF TORTURE, i am sure you get the drift.

4. someone told me that they apparently buries people into the ground, everything except for the head and they wait for ants and whatnot animals to eat their face, ALIVE, slowly and painfully. OR they would bury them except for the head and they cut the scalp or something and they pour in mecury or some kind of metallic elements, and slowly, the skin would separate itself from the meat or something, kinda like the skin would slowly "slip off".

**not sure about that, but thats what the "someone" told me.

AND MANY MORE. CBF to write everything here.

so yes, and in their japanese kids school textbooks, there is NOTHING in it that indicates the cruelty of their kind in the past. NOTHING. nothing at all that tells the truth about what had happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and yet. i love japan so much.

i guess, you can't hold on to a grudge like this forever.

i wonder how people have slowly gotten over this ordeal and accept everything that has happened.

humanity do work in funny ways.

what is love?

2010-11-29T07:30:00.000-08:00

people say you don't know what love is, is because you have never loved someone.

but for you,

you don't know what love is,

it's because you've never been loved.

ding!

2010-11-28T09:04:00.001-08:00

today, another amazing realisation struck my mind again.

my parents still love each other very much still...

yes, arguments here and there, but they always end up laughing together,

i guess that is what growing old together is like.

i am just going to have to see for myself how it's gonna be like!

powderful engrland.

2010-11-27T11:13:00.001-08:00

i just realised something,

i think my eng-rland has/had gone haywire.

OMG. ITS SO BAD. how did my english get so bad??????

they say, your english improve when youre in australia.

funny how it worked the other way for me.

-_- FML.

dad's 49th

2010-11-26T10:40:00.000-08:00

dad turned 49 on the 21st of november this year :)

and i baked a marble cheesecake :)

it was easier than i thought it would be and it actually tasted pretty good!! hhahah, my cousins said it was good, so did my parents - but thats maybe because i baked it hahaha.

my younger brother was at leavers so he is not there, but josh was!! :)

see the baldingness resemblance between dad and josh there?

*** maybe our family is full of secrets and mysteries, but we all know we love each other. i guess that is all that matters right?

home soon. again.

2010-11-26T06:19:00.000-08:00

samatha thavasa opening in singapore soon :):):)

wanted to buy a bag from japan the last time but didn't in the end,

but soon, i cann!! :)

im happy with their quality, the wallet i bought from japan like 3 years ago is still in good condition and i torture my stuff so... :)

cant wait cant wait.

CANT WAIT TO BE HOME.

to be with those who are worth it.

:) excitement beyond description.

it's all good!

2010-11-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

i am fine. everything is good. my life is in a mist of peacefulness and contentment.

if my baby was here, it would be perfect. but it's okay, in about 11 days i will be home.

i will be right where i grew up, see the people i love, miss and do the things i've been wanting to.

i wish you could feel what i am feeling too, its probably the best feeling in the world.

change

2010-11-24T03:37:00.001-08:00

i guess no matter how old we are,

somethings will never change.

the story.

2010-11-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

i've never had much luck with the boys. during high school, i was one of those chubby, nerdy girls with glasses, a backpack and a short straight cut bob hairstyle. i haven't got many friends, just a few nice girls who probably just wanted to be nice and lend a hand. i was even a victim from bullying. but that doesn't matter, it somewhat shaped me into something stronger and it taught me something. no one else other than family would be there to help you. friends? maybe. but none were there for me. i really wonder how i got through the days back then.

then came yr10 and yr11. i had more friends, became best buds with the boys, made some pretty darn amazing best girl friends. rebelled a little. even gotten vain and cared about the way i looked, cared about what the other mean girls said about me. but it was all alright because i have good friends surrounding me, not so much great influences, but good people. these 2 years were probably the ones that left me the biggest mark in my mind and memories flood through whenever i see or feel or hear something that triggers.

after yr11, most of my friends and classmates left the country for a levels or whatnot. some flew to england, some to america, some to random parts in europe. like me, some in australia. i wasn't smart enough to do a level or IB like 99% of my mates so i did foundation, the easy way in to university. for the 1 and a half years in that college, i have had about 2 "proper" boyfriends and numerous flings. maybe after high school, i became a little boy crazed as there weren't many boys "available" for me in GIS, we grew up together, it was just very very wrong.

i was young, naive and innocent; met some pretty immature and idiotic boys. i dated R for about 2 months? or was it less, forgive me for the ridiculous memory. he was a nice boy but he expected more of me and i knew he really cared for me, but again, i was young and i didn't seem to appreciate it, i thought he had gotten annoying and irritating and soon, i stopped picking up his calls. it wasnt long before i called it off, it was really too much to handle for me, i was only 16 and i think, he was 22. he was probably looking for someone more mature and a serious relationship but, i never really thought it would be one.

it was only a few months before i had met P and we started liking each other and soon, we were dating too, it wasn't too great a start off. i was like the little puppy who tagged along and followed wherever he went. it was one of those really horrible relationship when the girl was falling harder for the boy when he just grew more distanced. it was HORRIBLE. it was like, the more he wanted me to stop bugging him, the more i wanted to get his attention. anyhow, a few months later, after a few months of torture....finally i succeeded in making him love me back. but when he did, funnily, i no longer find him interesting and i said to him i didn't want him anymore after countless cold shoulders and awkwardness. AND THEN, that douchebag told me, that he had actually cheated on me the week before or something like that...? whatever. if he wanted some kind of "victory", its fine, because we all know whos the sore loser.

and then uni started. and the 2nd biggest mistake of my life, L, appeared. we hung out heaps and we talked to each other all day and night, texted alot, plenty of phone calls. but, one thing, HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND. i know right? trust a cheater to fall in love with you. so yes, he dumped her and we went out. tragic, TRAGIC relationship. i think i've cried so many times, i was completely numb. i failed units in university because of him, lost my appetite, mood was shit. and those who suffered are my family and friends, and they obviously did not deserve it. i hated the way i was. but while i was in pain, i met a wonderful and kind man, A, and he was there for me whenever i was crying and upset, he was there to lend me a shoulder, he was there when i needed him. i remember there was this night when that douchebag, L, said he wanted to break up on MSN (this was after numerous break ups and make ups). so obviously i was upset, so A, called me up and comforted me and talked to me, accompanied me on the phone through the night, up until i fell asleep. i remember that was around 4 am. it was at 7 am my phone rang again and A told me he was outside my house. he told me he wanted to have breakfast and because we had plans for paintballing later in the day. while we were in his car talking, waiting for the restaurants to open at 9am, we were talking in his car, parked somewhere in the city. that was when we found out paint balling was cancelled, but really, we both knew there wasn't going to be paint balling.

after breakfast, we went to the city and shopped a little, i guess to cheer me up. we planned to dye his hair and so, we went to his house and dyed his hair, then i received a text from, L, and he said he wanted to get back together, then i said, "okay meet me at____ later". that was the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. to give that douchebag a 2nd chance, a 3rd, 4th and a 5th.

i had little sparks with A, at that point, i was however still heavily and dumbly infatuated with L. then A had to leave for a month or so, but yet, we managed to talk online every night and we talked so much, that A, actually told me he started having feelings for me, and that was the time when i was stuck in between two. my heart and instincts told me to go for A, leave L. A was the one who was going to treat me right and he would have been such an amazing boyfriend and all my friends knew it, and yet, i was dumb enough to go back to L. i hated it. i HATED THE 3 months i spent with L after that. it was the worse decision, WORSE DECISION of my life.

but it was alright, if i had to go through all that to end up with an amazing man, it was all well worth it.

and so, 3 months have passed and me and L, having no future together, finally, a final break up and it was such a relieve and everything was good again. a few weeks after the tiresome break up, A texted me telling something really out of the blue. he told me he saw my mum in a restaurant. and because i had lost his number by then, i called it, having a feeling that it would be him. so, i called and of course, it was him. i am so glad, so after that, we started talking and kept in contact.

soon enough, i told him i liked him and i remember this because i went to his house the very next day and we talked things through, i told him i couldn't really forget him for the past few months. and he said he wasnt sure how he felt for me, he wasnt sure if he cared for me as his sister or as a girl. and so, beware, the next part is really cute. he said, asked actually, "can we kiss and try it out?". i, of course was shocked at this request and leaned away from him, but his eager boy, actually jumped me and forced himself on me!!! i am speaking as if i didn't like it, but of course i did.

after a few minutes of passionate kisses, we knew, it was not a sisterly kiss. and so, we spent the next few days together, getting infatuated and falling for each other. but sadly, soon he had to go back to his country for a few months but we promised to keep in touch. and so, 3 months have passed.....and everyday we texted and called each other. maybe it was fate or maybe it was coincidence. but whatever it was, i am glad we ended up together.

3 months later, he finally held my hand and according to him, we were an item at that very moment. but i never found out when exactly it is that we started dating and i have been pretty upset about it, but it was soon after we said i love yous, that he searched his room for the receipt of the movie we watched the day we held hands. the 7th of march. that was the day we started dating. that would be our anniversary.

and with confidence, this would be the man i'll spend my forever with.

444

2010-11-23T01:48:00.001-08:00

this is post 444.

bad luck? lol. such superstition.

tarot cards

2010-11-22T00:39:00.001-08:00

i went for tarot card reading yesterday with josh.

we weren't planning to get it done or anything but we were walking in picadilly arcade to get across to the other side of the street.

then we saw the sign, " TAROT CARD READING JUST FOR TODAY"

so ...i thought why not? i've never actually gotten my readings before...

so in i went to make an appointment and went back there an hour later for my booking.

the few things she said to me were pretty generic and predictable.

but some things, really wow-ed me.

-she said my dad was sick, my mum was very worried and a part of my dad's organs weren't working properly.

**which is true, my dad got a stroke early this year... and my mum is obviously VERY worried.

-she said that i was in love. this was actually the first thing she said to me. she said i was very in love with this man. and i was going to marry him and we were to have 2 boys and the 3rd a girl; IF i want to have a 3rd child. she also mentioned my family have had a long lines for males.

**WHICH IS TRUE. there are 2 granddaughters out of 5 grand children in my generation and in the previous generation, there were only 1 daughter (my aunt) and 7 uncles. this is my paternal side of course, usually you follow your dad's side right? i don't know, whatever.

-she said i was going to write a book in future and i will be famous from the book.

**this i do not know, but i've always wanted to write a book, not like ive told anyone. no ones kind enough to be told to. well, i've told alan. aahah

-she said i was going to be travelling alot this year....

**well hmmmm.....dunnoooo :P

-she said me and alan will get married early :D:D:D and we will be moving in soon, at a young age hehe.

**i know we will get married early too! cause whats the point of waiting? other than the problems of expenses, i am sure we're both pretty set on to live together.

-she said people are jealous of mine and my boyfriend's relationship because we're just SO GOOD. actually, too good, in a good way. ahhaha

**well....i one thing was...i remember when i was sick alan cooked me porridge and being the spoilt child that he is, cooking is not one of his hobbies. so then there was this one time he mentioned to his friends that he was going to visit me at home and cook me porridge cause i was sick....then a few days later his guy friend cooked his girlfriend porridge too and complained to alan that it was his fault. apparently his girlfriend heard about it and whined ... :)

his male friends also scolded alan for being so sweet cause now their girlfriends demands it too :) HEHEHEHEHE.

im so contented with this relationship :)

-she told me to becareful because i would get pregnant early if i am not!! :O scaryyyy :(

**hmmm......obviously!

-she said i was going to have a fall out with one of my friends soon.

**i got a feeling too hahahaha oh well. some friends are just not worth it.

-she said that money surrounds our family, problems arises and everything seems to revolve around money.

**which family doesn't have money surrounding it? you need to have money to survive. this is pretty damn obvious.

okay thats it.

lets see if i really do end up writing a book, have a baby boy early and if i do end up falling out with a friend.

WE WILL SEE.

what he does.

2010-11-20T11:44:00.000-08:00

the little things we do to keep this relationship just as awesome when hes overseas...

"our mini long distance"

-we call each other every morning (afternoon in my case) when we wake up

-we skype whenever we can at home, while doing our own things (like right now for instance, hes looking at his evo stuff and i am obviously blogging)

-he actually goes home early or misses out on hanging out with his friends just to go home to skype me because i said i miss him and wants to see him.

-he calls me to tell me loves me :) vice versa.

-whenever hes out with his friends, he still says i love yous to me without shame :) that makes me happy ;)

-we do ugly faces on skype to remind ourselves just how in love we are HAHAHA (like how we're doing it rightnow)

-stays up to watch me nap, even when it means he can't go online because his net back home sucks. so he just sits there for hours to watch me sleep... LOVEE!

-so much more.

monster.

2010-11-20T11:22:00.000-08:00

i do not need someone in my life that behaves like you.

go get a mirror and maybe one day you will realise, you are actually hideous inside out.

you're actually a monster.

***

i am thankful for so many things in life. especially my boyf who i shall not take for granted.

some may laugh and think we're insecure for calling 24/7 and texting 24/7,

but we laugh at them for not knowing what true love means.

yes, it probably doesn't mean excessive phone bills, the excessive i love yous, the excessive reassurance. but what is a 1 minute phone call to reassure one another that you are safe or who you are with or what you are doing; it will make the other person feel THIS much better.

maybe it is a problem when the other person doesn't even need such a reassurance.

well for whatever it is, i am glad, that my boyf makes such short yet meaningful phone calls because for every second of the day, i am certain that i am still the only one for him.

just a small gesture to make such a tremendous difference. so why not?

i pity those who can't feel what i am feeling because i really do feel on top of the world.

babies in the house!

2010-11-20T06:11:00.000-08:00

my coussies and aunt and grandparents are here!!!

and yes we are gonna cramp everyone in our small teeny house :)

awesomeeee :D i love cuddling them like that heheee.

thanks for keeping me sane my dearest babiess :)

unlike some people.

loveyousss.

the pretender

2010-11-18T13:25:00.000-08:00

if you can't afford it,
THEN YOU CANT AFFORD IT - it is useless announcing to the whole world that you COULD have gotten it, but in the end you didn't because of ______? ....

if you don't have it,
THEN YOU DON'T HAVE IT - it is so ridiculous telling people it is yours when it simply ISNT.
yeh, sounds glorious for a moment but the next? when people DO find out, and yes, people DO find out, WE LAUGH AT YOU FOR PRETENDING.

if you are restricted,
THEN YOU ARE RESTRICTED - it is pointless making yourself sound like you are some care free bird, when behind closed doors, we all know the truth. THEY don't trust you.

funny how we know that youre bullshitting your way to climb up the "social ladder" (which only you think exists.

and yet, we still pretend.

blessing

2010-11-17T10:29:00.000-08:00

What is a Blessing?

Lately, or should I say, often than not, I think, and various thoughts run through my mind,

sometimes too much and too messy and things get to a terrible turn,

sometimes I blame myself for the things I had done,

the mistakes I made, the carelessness of my behaviour, my rude mannerisms, my horrible attitude towards people in my life and things in my possession.

because we need to learn to appreciate. or maybe, just me.

There are many times in life where I feel like I am stranded and my emotional web is tangled.

and who is there to save me? to take the patience to untangle every strand of my worries.

most of the time, my parents, my boyfriend, my friends. rarely, need i have to do so.

that is what i call a blessing.

because whenever i am caught up in a bad situation, whenever i feel helpless and lost....

one way or another, i manage to receive some sort assistance, help, and comfort.

what i am trying to portray is,

no matter how bad things may seem,

there is always something or someone who is going to be there to lend you a helping hand.

there's always going to be that small hope in every misery.

there's always going to be a blessing.

so yes,

even though i have managed to get myself into this horrible, horrible, horrible mess...

i am still in a way...blessed.

maybe i am just too optimistic in life.

but i guess we're all going to have to be to survive.

so what is your definition of a blessing?

bittersweet

2010-11-16T15:12:00.000-08:00

i got a new macbook pro!! :)

my brother sponsored and daddy said i could wipe $800 a month... so...

THANKS DADDY AND MY AWESOME KOKO hheheheheeeee...

im so spoilt.

* thats about the only thing i am happy about lately.

everything is wrong, my plans have all gone wrong, everything is effed.

alone

2010-11-16T07:01:00.001-08:00

i guess in the end, we're all alone really.

kraaaagggh!

2010-11-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

pictures :)

a welcome picture ahhahaha.

hideous but oh well, doesnt matter.

blehhh. PIMPLES SUCKS.

new sandals :) I LOVE THESE ahhaha, mum was like, you look nice in those, just buy it already.

favorite buy of the day!! its sooooo SOOO comfortable and pretty in pale

probably not a good buy, the cuttings a bit weird.

buttons on pants :) i like these, it cost only like 9 bucks or something and its so comfortable!

bought this hairband/bracelet/necklace tie thing hahah its good.

I BLINGED IT.

gina saw it and she was like EWWW. OH WELL I LIKE IT SO TOO BAD! :P

and i blinged my phone too ahhahaha

:):)

happier posts ? less emo?

my prince charming.

2010-11-11T05:48:00.000-08:00

what is undeniable over the resent months and weeks,

is i have fallen uncontrollably and unimaginably ,

truly, madly and deeply in love with this man -

and with confident from the bottom of my heart, he is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with.

the best part is? we have already discussed when we should get married, when we should have kids, boy or girl, house or apartments, brunei or perth ?

so corny.

but so sweet don't you think?

the prince charming every little girl has been searching for,

so have i since i was a child in ponytails and small tiny ballet shoes,

i have found him :)

the distance had only made us grow fonder of each other.

i miss him already.

2010-11-08T08:51:00.001-08:00

it is official,

in just a blink of an eye, a year has passed.

just around this time last year i had bid good bye to my then not-yet-boyfriend.

in hopes that he may miss me over the holidays, calling me and texting me, late night chats online.

and now, just merely a year later,

here i was to bid him goodbye again as he leaves for his boarding plane,

this time so full of emotions, love, tears and hugs.

this time, we promised,

we would talk everyday, skype everyday and he said he would miss me every second of the day -

just until i see him in december.

in just 3 weeks.

3 weeks - 21 days. i will too be there with him.

21 days until i get to embrace my baby boy.

i can wait. i can do it.

my awesome parents.

2010-11-03T05:18:00.000-07:00

i have sinned, i have cursed, i have done wrong to so many people in my circle of friends and family.
i wonder what i may have done in my past life, or maybe god is looking upon me,
for i have such loving parents, brothers, boyfriend and friends who surrounds me.

lately,
i have been overwhelmed by so many different kind of feelings,
a mixture of confusion and anxiousness.

i have a secret.
a terrible secret which i worry for everyday until i do something about it.
i hope it would be solved in the very very, very near future,
or my heart would not be at ease.

***

this would be the first and last time - i promise mama and dada.
i am so so so so so so so so sorry for all those frustrating and disappointing times.
for all the love you have given me and the trust you have put on me.
i really do not want to fail your expectations and make you upset because im such a shit daughter.
i will do better and try harder i promise!

it is getting better each and everyday,

and i can feel like i am finally coming home to my amazing parents - who had been so far yet so near.

im a mean person

2010-11-01T05:28:00.001-07:00

my mood has gone haywire the past week and it has taken a toll on my emotions,

mind, and my sweet boyfriend.

i had gotten irritated easily, mixed and confused feelings about everything, super sensitive and easily PMSed.

wtf has gotten in to me?

I WANT THE "ME" back.

i do not like who i have become the past week.

i have destroyed the long loving peace i have with my sweet loving boyfriend.

i caused the sudden cold shoulders and awkwardness.

which ended up in a couple of sobfest.

crying into his arms, i have come to realised, is some sort of wonderful too.

it is not to be taken granted for.

someone to tell you "everything will be alright, everything is fine, you're a strong girl and you are a loving character and so loved by everyone surrounding you. i will never leave you, i will always be here for you"

is an amazing comfort.

why is it, that we always tend to hurt the ones who loves us the most,

the ones who we know will love us unconditionally, no matter what may happen.

we somehow, in the end, manage to wrong them, and feel nothing but guilt and regret after.

but, harm is already done.

remember that. no one deserves any ill treatments, especially those who show you nothing but love and kindness.

post-folio effect.

2010-10-31T23:29:00.000-07:00

i read jacq's blog sometime ago and she posted this thing where theres a BEFORE and AFTER make up photos.

i guess i cant be that ugly, so i am gonna give it a shot, and not with some low resolution camera,

i used my semi pro PEN baby.

guess no one is flawless.

AND THIS WAS 1 NIGHT after FOLIO. (meaning, sleepless nights for the last week - after one night of much needed rest)

sorry if i looked shit hahaha.

BEFORE.

AFTER.

obviously, my face was still slightly stiff and swallon-ish. WELL I HAD A LOT OF SLEEP OKAY.

anyway, i do not know why i did it, i just did.

to prove that i dare to show the world my real face. :)

many things have happened after folio in a few short days.

one - qing's 21st for starts.

i dressed up as alan baby and he dressed up as one of the uni's eccentric professor (charlie mann)

LOL.

a night of laughter and joy....

ONE OF HIS FRIENDS dressed up as the birthday girl ahahha ahhaha

okay, maybe i will upload more pictures later - maybe i wont.

thats all :)

working hard.

2010-10-23T13:44:00.001-07:00

dear god.

i am worried.

PLEASE DON'T LET ME FAIL.

astonished.

2010-10-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

it is scary how sometimes people tend to surprise you, and not in a good way.
sometimes you have the best in mind that they'd somewhat change,
change maybe to a better person.

but -

what is the definition of a better person?

we simply just have different values and morals.

metros.

2010-10-16T21:17:00.001-07:00

dance, dance, like its the last night of your life.

metros for the 3rd time this year, or was it the 2nd. I CANT REMEMBER.
too old for that loud noise and booty shaking.

BUT.
made an appearance for the birthday girl. - upload
got owned by the birthday girl last night, wtf. shes not human, we were like 8 shots down,
AND SHE WAS STILL FUCKING ALIVE.

i was NOT GONE, but getting there i was sure another 2 shots down i'd probably be down.
but yes, after the 8th, the boyf told me to go home - nice safe!

***

HAPPY BIRTHDAY xindii juju. hope you had a great night.

x

tookie.

2010-10-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

been working at baby's aunts house since she was away in melb with nicole (babys cousin)
so we've just been house sitting for a while and most importantly look after her baby tookie!!

been working hard!! okay....online as well while house sitting and playing with the doggie!!

oh and i had a hair cut today, cut my fringe shorter (ALOT SHOTER) and just trimmed the rest, think the hairdresser cut an inch off...but no biggie, it didnt seem like a big diference, at least all my split ends are gone!

being a nerd working :( and my eyes were so dry and sore for wearing contacts all day!!

PICTURES OF TOOKIE.

when tookie is trying to fall asleep....
I THINK I AM FALLING IN LOVE WITH THIS PUP!!! (more like a dog but hes still sooo cute and small!!!)

:) cute fluff ball!

aahahah this is my favorite photo yet :) (hopes alan doesnt find out that i posted this online AHHA)

TOOKIEEEEEE !!!

thats all, back to work :(

**

xindii's bbq tmr!

addicted.

2010-10-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

thoughts. mind works

2010-10-11T01:08:00.000-07:00

a picture of show a portion of how perfection may feel like. well, to me anyway.

here i am, laying back on the chair in one of the many studio rooms in ALVA,
sipping awake honey lemon and hearing music from my ipod,
in front of me, drowning into his own work,
my baby boy drawing and erasing away until perfection.

while me of course, doing my own work too,
taking some time to procrastinate and blog about my thoughts.
i was just thinking how life is just so right at this moment,
it feels so right at this moment in time,
like how i can never feel this way again,
like a picture perfect memory with light shining through the shutter windows,
works and papers scattered all around the room; on tables, chairs and floor even,

the boy humming along with the lyrics.
can life get any better than this? i doubt so.

and then just as my mind feels such perfection,
BOOM - a memory flash of a conversation i had once with my ex-coworker from IGA,
she was indian, and she had just moved to australia not long, probably 2 years ago or less,
i can't remember.
but what i do remember, i will remember for the rest of my life,
something that left such an imprint in my mind.

she was only 18 at the time her parents had forced her into marrying a man she barely knew,
a man she had never met before, probably 3-5 years her senior (not too bad, considering many unfortunate girls in uncivilized countries are married off by their parents to some old man who are their father's age).
i think she was a very lucky girl, one of the many of millions young adult females who actually did fall in love with the man she blindly married.
i witnessed this, and thank god i did because i'd never thought i would ever love a man who i was forced to marry.

it was that one morning when i came into work and i saw this young indian bloke,
in his hands were this Tupperware of some sort of food and i thought maybe he wanted to use the deli's microwave to heat it up,
but he shouted over to the indian girl, - lets name her Liz.
Liz turned around and she looked so bliss and contented when she saw his face and took the package and then he murmured something to her, which i could not hear,
then she smiled and kissed him goodbye,
then it hit me,
that it was her husband -
then my mind did this crazy thing where i tried to imagine this man and this girl being forced to married to each other and whatnot dramas involved.

and i thought to myself, not all are as lucky as Liz. some are just forced to marry off because their parents didn't want their daughters to waste their money and sell them off to some men as their breeding machine,
this is sad, but true.

can you imagine this happening in the so called "civilized" 21st century?

maybe i was too absorbed in my own tiny bubble before i had seen the world, but it was so shocking.

i am sure this happens in india, china, middle eastern countries even.
this is something i call tragedy, but for them, it's something simply of the norm.

to all who are lucky enough to choose who you can spend the rest of your life with,
take a few moments to feel contented with life....
for some people, they could never feel this kind of "contentment" which we think is something simply of the norm.

have a thought about that.

work.

2010-10-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

so hardworking! haha

sucking on lollipop like a child.

*
xindi maeda juju's bday soon - note to self to buy her something this week haha.

IN UNI FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS to company the boy to do his assignment which is due tomorrow!

well, i could use the time to do my own stuff too ...

studio sucks :(

ta.

anticipitation

2010-10-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

2 weeks until FOLIO week.

and then,....

FREEDOM, FREEEEEDOMMMM, FREEEEEEDDOOOOM!!!

home time, loving time, beach time, sun time, all awaits :)

look forward

2010-10-09T03:12:00.000-07:00

looking forward to return home in december,
i went to give out resumes today, which i did...
then i ended i shopping! couldn't resist :( bought some singlets, a dress, a purse, a pair of sandals, girl stuff,
spending money before i even managed to earn any, tsktsk! shame...

i hope i get to work hardcore in november so i can earn enough money for december to spend ! :)
i cannot wait!
sorry friends if you guys think i am evil and arent spending much time in kl,
but i totally am spending like 4 weeks there!! maybe 5...depends if you guys love me :P
but you guys return to UK so soon anyway! pffft.
and imees, maybe i'll visit you in SYD next year ;) if you promise you would kick that imaginary brunette off your bed :P

things to do!!
well i will be in brunei for the first week and i don't know whats going on then yet, since the boy is planning everything, I WONDER. okay - putting THAT aside...
then i will be in KL,
Sean invited me to his exhibition in solaris which is so close to my place anyway and its like the new hang out place-ish, according to people haha, its where everyone goes to now!
sorry no stingy people!

then shopping!!!! seriously, now that i think about it,
i dont know much cheap shopping places, as in "real cheap" ...
i mean like...i went sungai wang last year and bought this beach dress thing and thats about the only thing i liked, and regina bought this shirt there and she hardly ever wears it...and sungai wang is like the cheapest you can get and its so shit, i seriously wonder.
however, they do have like the best FAMOUS AMOS (only the best cookies in the world)
and their popcorn are so pretty! its like colourful! which everyone else thinks its gross, but i like it..so BLEH.
but the clothing there are so generic (QUOTE IMEE) :P

i am just going to stick with 1Utama haha - yes, its still my obsession, i can go there every other week and still not get sick of it! Curve is also a great hang out place.....OMG!!
movies+starbucks+karaoke+GOOD COMPANY.
:( i miss that.

where else has cheap shopping but good quality?? :( dont think KL has much of those places and i am looking forward to eat dirty cheap AWESOME food - even though the boyf looked at me as if its impossible for me to eat that as if i have a weak tummy.. AS IF.

I LOVE DIRTY FOOD - speaking like a true Kl-ian :)
oh yes, shisha :) with my awesome friends...great chats and spilling of secrets are inevitable of course.... sigh....josh wont be there sadly, one less company, one less driver :P jokes haha but i miss those times when you come get me in the middle of the night and we go eat "lok lok" this steam boat thing in the middle of the streets near my house and shisha at RASTAS.
damn...miss those times :(

at least david will be back and hes one of the best guy friends in my life, EVER. and so is chakrit!
yay!! havent met the both of them for yonks. and then of course,
MY GIRLS :)

sigh, getting so excited :)

baby's coming in end of dec to celebrate christmas with me + his friends too!! awesomeee.
and hes staying with me :) haha dads getting extremely trusting.

CANT WAIT CANT WAIT. fun fun fun and no stress!

kinda sad i will be missing zoukout though...wanted to go again, last year was heaps good!

thats all.xx

love now

2010-10-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

i'll never take you for granted,
im so afraid i might lose you.

you're the one for me, because baby i believe.

*

i have finished techo!!! lets hope i pass hahaha

thats all.....
love you! bye! :)

game plan.

2010-10-05T05:33:00.001-07:00

yes, on very rare occasions when i am so free to have multiple posts in a day,
that because i am bored,
but i cant afford to be bored since i have a thousand things to do, of well,
start in an hour and a half, promise! :)

right now, i am going to tell you the game plan.

I AM GOING TO WORK OUT IN NOVEMBER and lose weight :( i want to be a 4o something again instead of a 50something....omg 50 something sound so bad...
i used to be a size 6-8! now 8-10! :(:( sigh, have i just burst the supposedly "big secret" of a girl to the world? oh well. at least im not in denial!

yeh, definitly, game's on bitch! gonna be working out hardcore + work and earn money! haha.
yes, the spoilt girl is going to be working hardcore, now why cant people just believe that!!

faith people...even though i did quit my last job within like a couple of months... teehee!

okay, now seriously...im off now.

love, from abu dabi!

2010-10-05T05:26:00.000-07:00

baby's aunt jamie went to abu dabi to visit her boyf and she came back with these cute couple camels!!! :)
awwww, so cute!! and they even have these little bells!

these small things in life makes everything for the better.

there's a reason why some idiot in life don't realise this and tries to search for more,
and in the end, loses everything that meant anything to them.

oh hi, how are you whore.

2010-10-05T05:04:00.000-07:00

i love it how you portray the art of manipulation,
advantage seeking whore that you are,
and you think everyone else around you..
don't realise it,
but trust me on this,
oh yes,... we all know, every single time.

and somehow, for some reason,
some idiot comes in use every time,
one day, this selfish ignorant and idiotic side of you,
will come to a downfall so great - it would probably change you.

who could possibly love you i wonder.

studio and tech sucks shit.

2010-10-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

working on uni assignments now,

always endless due dates,

endless process works :(

endless endless sleepless nights!

yeh i cant believe i still have the mood to camwhore when i am working halfway!

I GOT A 58 for my TECH 1!!! :D:D:D

yehh bitch! okay fine, its not great or anything...

BUT considering i didnt go to any of the lectures after the 2nd week and didnt show up in tutes since forever.....

and i spent 2 days on it???

i'd say it went alright :P haha

but,....

TECH2 is due this coming friday...OH NOOESSS!

i gotta start working on that on tuesday!! wednesday latest...cant risk failing!! :(

and i wanna try earning it...so i get 60% in total!!! ahahha

credit always sounds better...

sigh....

people like me....aim low and get low... well....

no wonder baby's always pushing me!! PFFFT.

i can do it!!

and i can have a relaxed and worry free holidays!!

IM OUTTIE.

love, me.

whats mine, will stay mine.

2010-10-02T16:38:00.001-07:00

the best boyf would send their girlf home at 7am just because she said she wanted to,
which other boyf would boy her coffee to surprise her when she was late for class and had no time for it,
the best boyf gives her chocolates every month when her womanhood comes,
the best boyf massages her head when she mentions that her head is spinning,
the best boyf promises and tells her time and time again that shes the only one for him,
the best boyf gives her kisses and hold her in his arms just to make sure she goes to bed well,

i am proud to say, that best boyf is MINE.

in the near future.

2010-10-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

hello all sunshines,
another month on from today, i will be sipping cocktails on the beach,
with none other than my baby boy.
don't get it? get it? doesn't matter.

and in 2months, i will be in brunei, in a strange, new, foreign space,
all by myself! and also....travelling by myself :( i am so nervous about the travelling,
but i am sure i will be fine :)
and then, partying all the way in singapore and kl :)
some fun after the stress of folio?

thats it all!
TIME TO WORK WORK WORK before i get to play.

all the best everyone.

only him.

2010-09-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

there we were just huddling each other,
me gazing into his eyes and him looking into mine,
i was just laughing about some silly jokes we used to say,

then out of the blue, his eyes got pink and it was teary,
before i knew it,
he turned away wouldn't look at me.

and i knew,
he loved me so much he teared.

maybe i am just sadistic,
but that made me smile....

mr.tchung cooks!

2010-09-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

it's been ages since we have last cooked a meal together :)
and since his aunt was in abu dabi,
we decided to steal her house and play husband and wife :)

baby's seafood curry! - in the making..

hahha what a natural huh !

yahhhh food's readyyyy :)

oohhh garnishing! almost forgot....

TADAHHH! :)

a very hungry couple...but...taking pics before eating is a must :) teeehee!

very happy!! (thinking...gosh can we eat YET??)

thanks baby for cooking :)
even though the tomyam i made FAILED miserably....

yours was a success!! :)

what a great day for architecture slacker students...

okayy...back to reality.....time to tackle studio and tech work soon!

** thats all :)

it's 7am.

2010-09-28T16:06:00.000-07:00

it is now 7 am.
and i am starved.
someone please feed me :(

hesitating of whether i should rampage my kitchen
and eat something before i have time to regret....

- wondering if i should sleep.
my napping and snoozey hours have been a mess.
maybe its time to change that.

hmm.

and i already miss him.

Yes.

2010-09-28T15:23:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

yes i have changed the layout of the blog...AGAIN.

i got bored and i dont know, maybe i am getting old, but bright pink and neon pinks...
are hurting my eye - getting me all dizzy!

so yes :)

as its obviously still abit dodgy....but will be fixed soon enough :)

x

insecurities...

2010-09-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

it is funny how we bumped into her ...
and coincidentally she parked next to him? i am sure all his friends knows how his car looks like -
his car plate is obviously one of a kind....
moreover,
he rarely drives his evo, and the days that he does....

she parked next to him....
it was such an awkward situation but i managed to say hi in such a happy manner,
he smiled and said "ohh hi!" -as if he had met an old friend,...
which they kind of are...

old friends...
an old friend who you happen to have dated for 2 years when you were a teenager...
your first love,

like they always say.... you never forget your first love...
and everyone knows...that you had really loved her.
you told me yourself back then...

but the funny thing is?
i know he loves me more than he had loved anyone else,
probably includes her,
the one time i asked... " do you really love me more than any of your exes including ____"
he had said yes, and i believe him.

but....that little insecurity inside me just wont let it go,
let go of the fact that his ex will always be a part of him.

it is something i simply cant change.

i know, i know, many and many times have i repeatedly told myself that i am the only girl in his heart,
the only one for him.

but just that little little bug in my heart just wont go to rest and disappear...

oh well, maybe thats how all girls are ....